Dear Panel,

I have been infatuated with this girl for seven months. She has a boyfriend that she definitely doesn't love. About 4 months ago we kissed a little while out having fun, then she left to go travel with "Steve" for 2 months.

I just started to hang out with her again, and we had a really intense kissing session which would have been more save for bad timing.

The next day she was distant and has only called once in the last 10 days. Should I pursue her? I've never wanted anything more in my entire life.

P.S. The last time we got together she said that she really liked me!?

– Stu

Male, age 25, B.C.

Ever hear the expression, "She's bad news"?

If she hasn't called you in 10 days you're shit out of luck!

Sounds like she's using you for "intense kissing". Find someone who wants to be with YOU and only YOU.

Why not tell her how you feel, and let her know you wouldn't feel right pursuing anything with her unless she was really available.

Then see if she decides she wants to be with you, too. If not, don't go for it because you'll only be in for heartache.

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Dear Panel,

I'm a freshman in high school and I'm really interested in getting to know this one girl. I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend, but I would like to get to know her.

I've never talked to her, and don't even know her name. Any advice on what to do?

– Help Plz

Male, age 15, USA

Try asking her what her name is first.

Keep it cool and say "hi". Don't flirt till you know she is single, else you might have a not so nice encounter with The Boyfriend.

Maybe you should practice talking to a girl who you actually know and who doesn't have a boyfriend.

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Dear Panel,

I have a crush on this guy, but he has a girlfriend. Last weekend over spring break I saw him at two parties and both times he was making total eye contact the whole time I was there. He also came up to talk to me a few times. He even asked me to be his prom date.

But I'm confused because he has a girlfriend and he's flirting with me. I really like him and I think he feels the same ways about me but I don't know what to do. I gave him my phone number but he's not calling.

Now I don't now whether he's being flaky or maybe he was just messing with me. Please help me figure out what to do. I am sincerely confused.

– Confused

Female, age 16, USA

Asking you to the prom & then not calling is seriously messing. I wouldn't be taking him seriously.

Ask him straight up what his deal is.

How would you feel if you were in his girlfriend's shoes? Now, do you want to be his girlfriend?

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Dear Panel,

My wife says she is confused on how she feels about me after 14 years of marriage. She says she may be having a mid life crisis. I have been told to give her space and time.

What else can I be doing? I feel so helpless. I have told her how much I love her and need her.

– Anonymous

Male, age 38, USA

Try a little couples therapy to get the message across better.

Suggest counseling for her, or for the both of you. And keep showing her (not just telling her) how much you love her.

Don't panic. You're doing the right thing.

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Dear Panel,

There is this new guy in town. I work with him and go to church with him. He is really shy. He always seems nervous when talking to me. I am really outgoing, and I start conversations with him. He always smiles, and laughs and opens doors for me. He was at the last dance, and I went up and asked him to dance, he said "sure."

What are some signals shy guys send out when they like a girl? Do they like outgoing girls? In our conversations I ask him questions, but he doesn't seem to open up and just talk about his hobbies, interests, opinions etc. etc.

How can I help him to open up? Any insights on shy people would be great.

Thanks!

Female, age 16, USA

Shy...boring...shy...boring......who knows? Try to make him feel
comfortable with you until you decide maybe he's just boring.

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Dear Panel,

I am 24-years-old and my ex is nearly 26. He cheated on me months ago (but I was stupid and stayed with him). We broke up a few weeks ago and I found out that he is still in contact with the girl he slept with (he made a stupid mistake dialing my phone # and asking for her name).

Today I found out that this girl was only 17 when they were intimate. I am shocked and disgusted and feel horrible for this girl (he is a liar, cheat, and convicted criminal by the way.)

I was so sickened that I emailed this girls mother telling her the whole story (mostly what is listed above). I'm very worried about whether I did the right thing. On one hand, she is a minor and her parents need to know if older men are taking advantage of her, on the other, the consensual age here is 16 (which is insane), so really he broke no laws, only pushed the moral envelope.

Either way, he is practically a sociopath and I want to spare someone else from the pain that I went through. I don't like to stir up drama, I'm very scared of what I have done. Do you think this girls mother will understand where I'm coming from?

– Christy

Female, age 24, USA

Stay out of it, he's not your problem anymore.

You're asking all the wrong questions. Who cares what mom thinks? You've already done the deed.

Here are questions you really should be asking yourself:

1. Do you think you did the right thing and can you live with yourself?
   
2. Is Mr. X a danger to you?
   
3. How come it's okay for you to have been with a criminal sociopath, but not this other woman? Are you being jealous and vengeful, as well as stupid?

I say, mind your own business!

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Dear Panel,

My girlfriend spends time with me and gives all the indication that she loves me, but never actually says that she love me. Why?

– P.

Male, age 21, Fiji

I would rather feel that I'm loved and never hear the actually words, then to hear the words all the time, but not have the feeling.

Actions speak louder than words

You should be asking her, not me.

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Dear Panel,

How do I get my boyfriend to make decisions about his career, and then stick to them?

First he wants to stay in his current job (his bookshop is in a rough part of town), then he doesn't. But he's not breaking his back looking for another bookshop elsewhere.

Then he wants to concentrate on a career in illustration, but he doesn't want to go to evening classes and study the IT skills he needs to get the extra work that could allow him to go freelance. He could do both, if he wanted!

I have told him I'll move anywhere (within commuting distance of my job), and support him financially if I need to, but I'm sick of waiting for him to decide what he wants to do with his life. He's 38, I'm 36, and this has been going on for 2 years. How do I prod him into action?

– Emma

Female, age 35, London

Mom always said that NOT making a decision is a vote for the status quo. Your boyfriend made his decision, speaking in the passive voice.

Respect it or leave him, it's your decision now.

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Dear Panel,

How do I know if Matt really likes me?

– Tyler

Female, age 17, USA

When he says, "Tyler, I really like you."

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Dear Panel,

When I was in high school, I had a very close friend who I always wanted to be more than friends with. But I never said anything to her about it. Time passed and we both graduated and still hung out and did a lot of things together, and I still never said anything.

She was terribly broken up when I started seeing someone that I eventually married and we haven't really spoken since. The last time I saw her we were on anything but the best of terms.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about her for the last four years. I've never been truly happy with the woman I married and she doesn't seem too thrilled with me either.

I now find myself thinking about my friend more and more often. I've since moved about 1,500 miles away from her, but miss her so much it surprises me. I guess I didn't realize until now how strong my feelings were for her. Odds are she's long since moved on, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

– Confustigated

Male, age 24, Southern California

Way to get married! Forget both and move on. You need a fresh start!

First get a divorce, then go look for your friend!

I count at least 2 people who are hurting because you can't move on. Move on and see if you can't get the count down.

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In relationships, you ought to be honest or you may end up losing the one you love. It will take time for him to trust you again but I suggest that you try to prove to him that you really, really love him.

Give him a reason to trust you again.

Use protection and don't get pregnant. Oh yeah, your boyfriend is probably not the one for you.

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Dear Panel,

I met this girl on the Internet and we talk for like 7 hours a day. We sometimes argue but mostly we get along awesomely with each other. I have never ever met a girl like this.

She lives in Wales and she said that she is going to come and live in New Zealand with me in December. I know that she is my soul mate and I told her that I will pay for or help pay for her ticket over here. She said that she would never let me do that.

Also, I have talked to her on the phone a lot, and I feel totally out of this world when I talk to her. Can you analyze this relationship for me? I wanna know if I am crazy. Thanks for your time.

– The Guy

Male, age 20, New Zealand

Be wary of people you meet on the 'net. She may not be what she seems. You're only 20, you haven't found your soul mate.

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Dear Panel,

I like someone who hates me. She is two years younger than me. How can I make her like me? How can I tell if she really hates me?

– Marcus

Male, age 13, Japan

When they're 11, they both like you AND hate you. Just wait 10 years. Then you'll really be confused.

Why do you like her if she hates you?

I don't know. Why don't you ask her!

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Dear Panel,

I am in love with my best friend. You've probably heard this one a million times.

I've known her since 7th grade and now I'm a sophomore in college. But it's like I've brushed these feelings off my whole life. I wish they would go away but they always come back.

She lives in Mississippi and I live in Virginia. Recently, I saw her for the first time in 5 years. I didn't think I would feel it anymore but I still do.

Three weeks later we met up again when I paid for her ticket to visit me in California. She has no clue about how I feel, at least I don't think she does. What should I do?

– Image

Male, age 19, USA

Yep, heard it before...she has a clue....take a risk and actually talk to her... yadayadayada.

Or else you could end up like Confustigated.

Try talking to her about it. She might feel the same way.

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Dear Panel,

What should I do if a girl is all up on my boyfriend and he won't tell her to back off?

– Miss Blue

Female, age 15, USA

Tell her off in front of him, if he defends her, let her have him.

I like the phrase "Back off bitch, or I'll break you!"

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Dear Panel,

I have been with my partner for 4 months but as we met on the Internet and I didn't think it would get serious, I lied to him and told him I have a degree and a different job.

I have now changed jobs and am currently undertaking a degree, however, the past lie is tearing me apart. What should I do?

– Nikki

Female, age 26, UK

Time to confess and face the consequences.

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Dear Panel,

I haven't really had a relationship before. What can I do to not make myself look stupid but caring in front of her?

– Anonymous Pig

Male, age 14, UK

At age 14, don't worry about looking stupid; you are. Don't worry about being caring; you're not. Have fun with her and treat her like a good friend.

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Dear Panel,

I like this boy, but I don't know if he likes me. He does like to look at my tits, but nothing else.

– Keosha

Female, age 19, Texas

Are your tits at his eye level?

My philosophy: if he can't look at your face when you talk, he's not worth it.

You are more than your tits. If that's all he's looking at, he's not liking you. He just likes a body part that he can, and does, like on lots of other women.

Sorry, that's the last question.

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