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Dear Lost,
I am completely sympathetic to your situation. Although I haven't
been in your situation, I am always thinking along the lines of
"its mine, therefore my choice".
It's a good point. Unfortunately, while it is your decision as
to whether or not you have sex, you MUST also remember that with
every decision comes a consequence. And, with the decision to have
sex, the consequences involve statutory rape and angry parents,
as you have found out.
Most People In The UK Lose It at 16
From your question, it seems as though you are mature. Whilst I
do not know your personal situation, I can quite understand that
you would be ready to have sex. Over here in the UK, the consensual
age is 16, and most people have sex at 16 or 17 - so its obviously
a reasonable age at which to lose your virginity.
Of course it does also depend on other factors such as who you
are losing it with- but again, from your question it seems your
boyfriend was worthwhile, so no problems there.
You Broke The Law, So Your Parents Can File Charges
However, you are still the responsibility of your parents, therefore
they are able to send you to camp. And, they are quite able to file
charges against your boyfriend.
Now, whilst I personally feel that "rape" is a much too
strong charge to place upon anyone who has sex with a willing, underage
person, its still the way things are, and both yourself and your
boyfriend knew this. Unfortunately, if the worst comes to the worst,
then you must understand that this is your own fault and that if
you had not have broken laws, then your parents would not have reason
to charge your boyfriend.
Still - I personally would not want my boyfriend to go to jail
for something so strong as "rape", and I know you are
feeling the same. I am sure you don't really want to go to boot
camp, either!
Talk With Your Parents
So my suggestion is this: talk with your parents. Your parents
are no doubt worried about your welfare and are only doing the usual
parent thing over being overprotective.
The best thing you can do now, is to convince them that they have
no cause for worry. Sit down with them at a convenient time when
you won't be interrupted, and tell her that you are sorry that you
slept with your boyfriend behind her back, but you were embarrassed/scared
to tell her.
Ensure she knows that you and your boyfriend are in a stable, loving
relationship, and perhaps include your boyfriend in this talk so
that she can assess the maturity of your boyfriend as well. If you
are as mature as you say you are, and if you are emotionally ready
for sex, then she will be able to see this.
Apologize For Breaking The Law
Tell her that you are sorry for what you have done, and that you
realise that breaking laws was an irresponsible thing to do and
that you are ready to accept any consequences that may follow.
Negotiate With Them
I suggest that you ask your parents how they feel about you having
sex. I would imagine that the reason is tied in with sexually transmitted
diseases, and pregnancy. If this is the case, then you could agree
to negotiate, whereas your parents allow you to sleep together,
provided you can prove to your parents that you are being careful.
For example, if your boyfriend were to get tested for any diseases
(this only takes a few weeks here, and its free) this would ease
their worries of you catching anything nasty. As for pregnancy,
well perhaps you could begin to use the contraceptive pill. Give
your parents the monthly prescription, and they can give you your
pill each morning to ensure that you are taking it correctly, or
they could simply have access to the packet to ensure you are not
missing any.
This way they would have the best guarantee possible that you are
being safe in regards to both problems.
Whatever Happens, Do As They Say
However, I know that parents are stubborn. Therefore, it is quite
likely they will still resent the idea of you sleeping with your
boyfriend until you are of the legal consent age. In this case,
I suggest you follow their instructions and wait. If you are really
happy together and you feel you have a future, then waiting should
not be a problem.
If your relationship cannot survive without sex, then it would
never have survived anyway.
Your Parents Have The Power
Remember, that if you go against your parents will, then your boyfriend
will have years in jail, you will have time away at camp, and both
of you will have to wait anyway. Talking with your parents will
at least give you a good chance of being able to see each other
every day. Try to remember that while it is difficult having age
limits (I am nearly 18 and am really looking forward to finally
being an "adult" by law), and often they don't make much
sense, they ARE still there, as are the sentences associated with
them.
Your parents have a very powerful threat in their hands against
your boyfriend, something which could ruin his future. Remember
that and don't let your pride, frustration or resentment get in
the way of sensible thinking and maturity.
I hope that things work out for you and that you have a great relationship
with your boyfriend AND parents once this is through with!
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