Dear Holly,

This is a tough question to answer. I can't tell you if he is or is not cheating on you, without being right there in your situation.

His Past Indiscretion

You mention an indiscretion in the past, with the bar and his ex-girlfriend. You say he apologized for it. What concerns me about that is the "me thinks he doth protest too much" line of logic.

Did he immediately deny or try to hide the fact that he drove her home? Did you have to squeeze the information out of him? Have other things like this happened in the past between you two?

Did He Get Defensive?

How angry was your boyfriend when you asked him if he was sleeping with Rachael? Did he suddenly get all defensive and start yelling? Those are clear warning signs that something may be going on, or at least that he may be telling you half-truths.

Butt Slapping?

Now, with your roommate. Nothing seemed to really stand out to me as a sign he might be cheating with her until you got to the "butt slapping" part.

Joking or not, he's out of line.

Although, in his defense, I have male friends with irresistible butts that are just begging to be slapped. But these are my best guy friends, and it is always done in a joking manner.

Flirting Can Be Innocent

Which brings me to the flirting. Is it innocent, funny flirting? The kind of flirting where their eyes lock for several seconds and they get all quiet? I am a flirt, I will admit it. But I flirt with lots of guys who I would never even consider sleeping with, it's just in my nature.

Not All Flirts Are Sluts

You say your friend is a flirt. Do you consider her promiscuous as well? Those are two very different things.

Have you ever brought up the fact that their flirting bothers you? To either of them? That's what I would have done, before I accused anybody of sleeping with anybody.

They Don't Know It Bothers You

It sounds like they don't notice it bothering you. If you friend is a flirt, and that's just the way she is, and she knows that you know it, she doesn't see that it's hurting you.

And your boyfriend doesn't know of any other positive way to react around girls, especially girls he's so close to that he's living with them. A completely, hands-free, no flirtations, platonic friendship is a real rarity, especially among people your age.

I Went Through Something Similar

And a final thought. This situation is very similar to something I just went through, although the roles were reversed. You called this guy your fiancée in the beginning? Is he that, or just a boyfriend?

I lived with my fiancée and his best friend, Paul. My fiancée, Paul and I were really good friends for many years. When we all moved in together, the flirtation between Paul and I increased. Probably as a result of being so close and spending so much time together. My fiancee worked nights, and Paul and I worked at the same job during the day, so he wasn't around us all that much.

As time went on, my fiancée became convinced that I was cheating on him. Most of my friends were guys, and he was so sure that I was sleeping with one or all of them.

Suddenly, he began accusing Paul and I, and trying to "catch us in the act." We were not sleeping together, and it never really entered my mind at least. I had never once cheated on my fiancée; I was too deeply in love with him.

We Broke Up

In the end, his accusations and suspicions not only broke up our engagement, but some really strong friendships. Later on, when we talked it over, he told me it had all been an excuse. That he wasn't ready to be married and he needed an "out." He couldn't just breakup with me, though. I hadn't really done anything wrong. So he began to look for things.

You're Not Ready For Marriage

So, maybe, and I could be way off base here, you are not ready to get married. It's possible that your worries, doubts and fears are manifesting themselves into a feeling that your fiancée is cheating on you.

Talk To Him

She should also talk to Rachel about it.

In any case, before any more accusations, before any more hurt feelings arise, you need to talk to him. Sit him down, explain everything to him. Otherwise, this relationship may have more problems than his flirtations with Rachel.

Good Luck,

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