Dear Deserve,

No Worthless, Feel-Good Response

But she DID do the right thing.

You will probably get other responses telling you that you did the right thing and that you shouldn't blame yourself.

You are looking for comfort and you will surely find someone to agree with you and try to make you feel better.

That will do nothing towards providing you advice on how to stop doing this to yourself. But, you will feel better for a while.

We will not give you a feel-good response.

It appears to us, from your brief note, that you have two different problems: your (now defunct) relationship and your self-image.

Relationships Go Through Change

All relationships change over time. It is not just a sad fact that we have to learn to accept, it is the nature of a relationship. A relationship that doesn't change is called a habit.

Relationships between a man and woman usually start with a loving infatuation. Everything is brand-new and the world looks completely different. You just can't get enough of each other. Over time, this fades. This change is not a failing on anyone's part, it is the natural progression.

A maturing relationship needs to move past the simple fascination and on to an interdependent commitment. This does not mean that you leave the lovey-dovey stuff behind in exchange for a serious game of weekly Scrabble.

It means that you learn to love each other in ways that dating people never can. You learn to love a person for who they are, what they do, and who they become, not just what they do for you.

The Relationship Failed To Evolve

You find ways to bring back some of the excitement but that is not what you live on. It appears that your relationship evolved and the two of you failed to make the move with it. But who really knows because we don't have enough information to evaluate.

Your Self Image Is A Problem

Now, onto you and your self image. This is probably related to your first problem, but, again, we can't be sure.

I noticed this too. She shouldn't be so hard on herself.

The last four of your six sentences start with self-doubt and end with self-loathing.

Despite your inability to maintain a personal five-year relationship, you are solidly preparing to make a full-time commitment to Depression.

How long have you and Depression been seeing each other? Are you really in love with Depression? I know, Depression doesn't really treat you well but he's always there for you.

Are You Sure You Want Depression?

Is Depression the proper life-mate for a person like you? Do you deserve each other? Depression will ensure that you never forgive yourself. Depression likes it when you suffer. Depression is jealous and will ensure that you will have no other. He will be your only companion when you die.

Don't Let It Go On, Leave Depression Now

You know, when you finally decide to leave Depression, you're sure to ask yourself, "How could I have let this go on so long?"

Why wait? Is it time to break up with Depression, yet?

– Brad & Heather