Dear Living,

Wow...sister, you need to take one giant step back, take a deep breath and read on. Let me wipe the tears from eyes and give you some sound advice.

Your Divorce Isn't Final

The number one issue that concerns me is that you divorce isn't final.

As a reasonably intelligent woman you should know that any "relationships" you take up at this time are:

1. potentially damaging to your credibility should your estranged spouse decide to play hardball in court, and
   
   
2. Chuck is the lead dog in the race for Mr. Rebound.

My heart goes out to you because I have been in your shoes and they are very uncomfortable and cause a lot of pain.

You Don't Know How To Be Alone

For a moment, cast all the men and issues aside and try to get a clear picture of the real root of the matter. I think you feel lonely, neglected, jealous and unfulfilled and you don't how to be alone.

Neither did I. I'm also 31, and it would devastate me every time one of my friends called to tell me about how her husband bought her lingerie or how the baby started walking today, all I could think of was "What is wrong with me? Why can't I have these things?"

In reality, plenty of married people are secretly miserable.

I was miserable, confused and desperate for any scrap of affection, I too jumped into a quagmire of a relationship with a man I knew was wrong for me but I just couldn't admit it to myself because any love was better than none.

Chuck Is Familiar

Chuck may seem similar to her ex, but Chuck is NOT her ex.

At this point, you are looking for ANYONE to fill that emotional abyss. Chuck is the easy way out – you know what to expect with him because you just ended a relationship with the same guy, just a different face. It's not healthy for you, but it's familiar – and that is better than nothing.

Well, I'm here to cyber-smack you back into reality and personal satisfaction.

Stop Dating for 3 Months

Get your divorce finalized, concentrate on YOU and take a 3 month leave of absence from dating.

During that 3 month time frame, get to know yourself – you need to build your self-confidence up and realize that it's okay to be single, it's okay to be alone. Immerse yourself in activities that will enrich you as woman and clear out the mental cobwebs and dust clouds in your mind. Take a yoga class, go out with the girls for cocktails, have a sleepover party with two or three girlfriends, volunteer at a shelter, get involved with the larger community. Just do something that doesn't involve dating, relationships with men and feeding the monster called insecurity that lives in you.

In 3 months you will be stronger mentally, emotionally and I bet the picture of what you really want will become crystal clear and you will have given yourself the time you need to go get it!

I think the other issues you mentioned (Chuck's age, sexual satisfaction, need for companionship, money) in your question are "false faces" that cover the real issue. The most important issue here is YOU, and your relationship with yourself.

Take a Break from Chuck

She shouldn't just take a break, she should chuck Chuck for good.

Tell Chuck that you are taking a break and explain why you need to do this. If there is something of substance there, he will wait for you.

Good Luck to you my friend – please keep us posted on your progress.

– Stephanie