Dear Turtle,

Mamala appreciates your teenage angst, as she has just seen her daughter, age 20, through similar difficulties, as well as remembering what it was like to be 17, independent but looking for a special relationship.

Find a Close Girlfriend

I am more worried about what I DON'T hear from you – do you have one or more special female friends (other than just acquaintances, like the rest of the girls on the cheerleading squad where there will be more issues of jealousy and competition)? You have so many more years of dating ahead of you – but finding close girlfriends and building friendships (without thoughts of sexual intimacy, so guy friends in whom you are interested in pursuing friendship with can also qualify to some degree) is important for many reasons:

1. Best Friends Are Keepers

Damn straight. This is true for us guys, too: Bros before h-'s.

Girlfriends are people with whom you share secrets, makeup, pajama parties, talkfests and hopefully friends you keep all your life to see you through it all. MEN WILL COME AND GO when you are 17, as well they should – you are much too young to make a total commitment to one man for the rest of your life – but best friend(s) are keepers.

2. Men Get Worse with Age

He won't get worse. He'll get over it.

You aren't confused, you are just very, very young. You don't understand some basic facts about men – IF they are jealous and/or controlling, they get worse with age. DROP THEM LIKE A HOT POTATO!!! You will not change the nature of that person. And, whether or not you are independent, any relationship under the stress of jealousy and control is self-destructive, and even potentially abusive.

3. Avoid Conflict Between Them

You have already done a very mature and intelligent thing by breaking up with a jealous and controlling boyfriend in Riley. Good girl! And you can stay friends, certainly, but not if you create ANOTHER conflict in Riley's and Mark's relationship. You have also formed what you feel is a meaningful friendship with Mark, which is very nice. I had quite a few good male friends when I was your age.

4. Dating Complicates Friendship

Why potentially spoil a good friendship with Mark by complicating it with dating? Are you, or he, or both of you going away to college next year? If either of you is, you are probably going to different places, or if even to the same college, will be in different classes, meeting different people, having different experiences. Things that would be fun to share with a friend, but might be emotionally trying if you hold on to a romantic interest and he does not, or vice versa.

If you keep this wonderful friendship, and let Mark know how special you feel it is, perhaps when you both finish college, or come home one semester break, you might both be interested in pursuing a more romantic road.

Tell Him You Won't Risk Your Friendship

Going out with your Ex's best friend doesn't have to wreck everything.

So, bubala, if Mark asks you out on a date, I would tell him that you value him so much as a friend that you don't want to risk losing that special relationship you share, and you wouldn't think of coming between friends again.

Being a very independent teenager does not mean you cannot share a circle of girlfriends, or at least one special girlfriend, who – if she stands the test of time – will be there for you through thick and thin, happiness and sorrow.

Good luck, and always remember to think enough of yourself!

Best wishes,

– Mamala