Dear Pretty Screwed Up,

I have read your letter quite a few times and I have a guess about what is going on. However, it is just a guess, so you can take it with whatever seriousness you wish. I am going to make some assumptions and answer accordingly. If my assumptions are wrong, then I guess my answer won't be very helpful -- sorry. (Standard disclaimer.)

Sounds Like an Internet Relationship

Is this an Internet relationship? The reason I ask is because it sounds like it started off in a very intense way.

I know most people don't do that. That's how I know she liked me, because we talked for hours.

Most people (especially in high school) don't talk for hours the first time they meet, and even fewer people say the "I like you" words the first time they meet. It sounds like there wasn't any kissing or physical affection involved, which also leads me to believe that this is something that might have started in a chat room (or maybe over the phone?). Right or wrong?

The 'Net Seems Safe

The Internet is a great thing. I met my husband through the Internet and many people whom I count among my very closest friends. But there is something important to remember about meeting people this way. Sometimes it seems very safe to give lots of information about yourself, stuff you wouldn't dream of sharing with someone who you had just met if you had met in person.

She Got Scared

People often feel more comfortable and free when they don't have to deal with face-to- face awkwardness. The result of this "comfortable" feeling is that sometimes relationships progress more quickly than people would like.
It sounds like she liked talking to you and it was all very fun but then it got scary to her. Not that YOU were scary, but maybe the idea of being in a relationship was too much for her in some way.

Eric Doesn't Exist

And actually, since this answer is totally based on my gut feelings anyway, I will go ahead and say that I don't think Eric exists. I think that is her way of trying to cool off the relationship gracefully. Her technique is not admirable, but it is very common – especially in high school. The time frame seems a bit rushed – she met you one night, then emailed you the next morning that you "needed to talk" and then you find out that she somehow kissed her friend Eric somewhere in there? Too convenient.

Don't Be Her Backup

Now here's the paragraph that will (hopefully) make sense even if all of my "intuition" stuff above isn't correct: Sara is really confused and is not ready to be in a relationship. Maybe she really is dating this guy Eric, maybe you see them together all the time and it tears you up inside.

I agree – he shouldn't play by her rules.

But she is very confused. She is trying to keep things going with you so she will have a safety net. You do not want to be this for anyone. You are too good to simply be someone's backup.

You're Too Fast

And here's another thing I would like you to consider: you seem to have fallen head over heels for this girl in a matter of hours? Days? What is up with that? I don't think it's a good idea for these things to move so fast – sometimes perspective can get lost along the way.

Good luck with your situation and please let us know how you're doing.

– Gillian