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Dear Lonely Female,
I'm a little confused about you, so I can see why you are, too.
You're Not Confident; You're Desperate
You say that you feel you're attractive and confident, but you're
shy when you meet new people. Confidence is the attitude that makes
you hold your head up whether you've known someone your whole life
or just met them a second ago. I have to tell you, dear, your letter
didn't sound very confident. It sounded more like desperate. So,
I'll start there.
Confidence is about knowing that you are you, no matter what, and
that you don't have to change anything about you to attract anyone.
Now, you're 16 so I don't expect this to change your life tonight,
but I'm planting a seed here. Hopefully, you have supportive adults
and friends in your life who will water it.
First Be Friends
Now, about this whole "gotta get a man" thing. Well,
if you really want a good relationship where the guy likes you and
isn't just trying to get in your pants, you have got to be friends
with him first!
Think about the friends you have now. You didn't have to jump through
hoops to become their friends, did you? And you probably didn't
have a whole list of what they had to look like, did you? One day,
something just happened and you met (by chance or circumstance)
and something clicked and you've been friends since that day. That's
how friendships start and that's a good place to start with a relationship.
Getting Guys To Chase You
There's really nothing you can "DO" to attract the cute
guys. Well, you could dress like a hoochie and have them chasing
you, but they wouldn't really be chasing you – they'd be chasing
you-know-what, then you'd be back to square one.
The Finest Guy Has Been Picked Over
I know that you want to be with the finest guy in school and have
a great relationship, but you must realize what you already know.
The finest guy has his pick and even if he did pick you, would
you want him after he's been picked over by half the girls in school?
And if the finest guy is actually a pretty good guy, he doesn't
want someone who is "trying" to get his attention.
What If Someone Changed To Attract You?
What would you do if a guy was actually wearing different clothes,
changing his habits and bending over backwards to hang around you?
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Hey! What's wrong with Star
Trek? |
What would happen if, after you went out a few times, you found
out that he wasn't the skater / artist he'd presented himself to
be but he was, in fact, a Star Trek fanatic who loves to dissect
bugs in his spare time? Actually, you might have preferred the Trekie
to begin with, but you'd probably break it off because he wasn't
who you thought he was.
Don't Chase the Wrong Guys
Finally, you might be spending so much time chasing the wrong guys
that you miss the ones that you'd really enjoy. Take it from me
– I dated a guy who looked like someone in an underwear ad
(abs to die for), and he turned out to be the most controlling,
self-centered idiot. I didn't change myself to be with him, but
after a few days I felt like he just wasn't my type. I stayed with
him for almost a year because he was gorgeous and all my friends
thought I was so lucky to be with him.
After I broke up with him, I met my husband and I never looked
back. And get this – he had actually asked a mutual acquaintance
for my phone number last year saying that he really let a good one
get away (referring to me). So, you see, he was the lucky one after
all.
Just Be Yourself
This is gonna sound like an old cliché, but here it goes:
just be yourself. Changing yourself to attract someone only attracts
that person to the false "you". If you can be true to
yourself, you'll attract the right guy for you!
– Sistergirl
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