Dear Heidi,

This one sure is a tough one. It sounds like he has a very headstrong mother, and it looks like maybe she is the problem in your relationship.

My Ex's Mother

Although I have never been in this situation, I have been in a relationship with a man, who also had a headstrong mother. It is very hard to deal with, I understand that. I think what his mother wanted was to have her baby boy all to herself, so she kept putting bad thoughts into his mind. From what you tell us I can also see that he highly respects his mother and respects her opinions.

Pleasing His Mother

The problem here is that he wants to please his mother and be with you at the same time. It doesn't sound like that is going to happen anytime soon. Rebuilding a relationship from the ground up is harder than you think.

You Can't Get Back the Past

When most couples try it for the second time, they want back, what they had before. That is impossible, you can't get back the past.

He Should Think for Himself

How can anyone know if he is thinking for himself? His mother may be using him to get what she wants, and given the circumstances, she'll try even harder.

I think that you should talk to him, tell him that you are willing to try to put the relationship back into perspective, but only if he is willing to think for himself, and not let his mother think for him. It seems to me that if he wants the same things that you do, then you should be able to put the love and understanding back into the relationship.

Take it one step at a time. Don't go rushing into a serious commitment, that will just get you into trouble in the end. It's going to take time, love and understanding. I believe that this can work for you, and I believe that together you can make it work.

– Bailey