Dear Talon,

Her Moves Don't Match Her Values

It sounds as if your girlfriend has picked up some moves that don't mesh with her values. Our society teaches that sexually provocative behavior is fun, exciting and totally harmless.

She Realized the Danger of Her Behavior

Naaah! She changed her behavior to torture him.

When she recognized your response ("dancing the dance" as you put it) she may have realized the danger of her behavior. So now she is holding you away in an effort to protect both of you from premature sex.

Where Do You Stand?

 

You're right, I DO want sex, but I'm not in a rush. I would be happy with just the passion for now.

You say that you are a virgin and that you do not want to have sex, yet you also say that you are open to sex. Which is it? If you are open to sex before marriage, you will end up having it. It's just too easy.

At least your girlfriend seems to know where her values lie. She told you that she wants to maintain her virginity until marriage. It sounds though like she is a bit unsure of how to accomplish that or what it looks like.

She Has Values

Think about it: Is sex really that important to you? Do you value maintaining sexual purity until marriage? Are you willing to accept all of the risks that come with premarital sex (disease, pregnancy, emotional heartaches and hang-ups)? If you are not willing to make a commitment to remain sexually chaste (not "dancing the dance") until marriage, break up with this girl. It is not fair for you to cause her to compromise her values. Do you respect her that much?

Set Some Ground Rules

However, if you also are willing to make the commitment to save the innermost parts of yourself for your future spouse, this relationship may have a chance.

 

Forget it! Why should he feel guilty, too?

What that will require is the two of you sitting down and maturely setting some ground rules. What is and is not okay. Do clothes stay on or come off? (I would reccommend staying on). What body parts are acceptable to fondle?

Be Adult About It, or Forget It

I know this sounds like a difficut and awkward conversation and it is. But remember, sexuality is an adult activity, designed to be engaged in by adults. If the two of you are not adult enough to talk about it, you're not adult enough to experiment with it.

– Jody