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Dear Anoymous,
I have a few questions for you to think about:
- What was it like when
you were dating?
- How did you feel?
- How did you think
she felt (and what kind of signals were you getting?)
Six
Months = Breakpoint
It sounds like you "dated"
for about 6 months or so. And that, I've noticed with my friends,
is usually a make or break point – you figure out if the relationship
is going in the direction you want it to and then make a decision
about what to do next. What direction were you headed before she
called it off? Were you happy with the direction? Was it something
she would be happy with?
In otherwords, were you
heading towards greater intimacy and commitment, or towards stagnation
and eventual breaking up?
Her
Past Hurt
Being hurt in the past
is a very good reason for someone to be cautious at this point.
They may think that without total trust, or commitment, or whatever,
it is just to risky to get more involved.
Do
You Want Greater Intimacy and Commitment?
What do you want to happen
next? Do you want greater intimacy and commitment? It sounds like
you do, but I'm not quite sure. If so, I would lay it on the line
(you are not risking anything since she has already broken it off).
She
May Need Your Reassurance
Let her know that you
care, that you want to go further in your relationship, and that
you are going to do everything in your power to be trustworthy,
reliable, and honorable. See what she says. She may need a few days
to mull it over. She may decide that it is just too risky for her.
Or she may feel that your reassurance is just what she needed to
hear.
Good luck. Just be honest, reflective, and brave – and ask
her to be in return.
– Judith
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