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Well Boring Barbara-
I have a close friend who sounds a lot like you. Like you, she
is outgoing and a good friend and very nice to everybody she knows.
You Have To Play The Game
I'll tell you what I tell her ... you have no game. I know that
sounds bad, but before everyone jumps down my throat, let me clarify
what I mean.
My friend goes out, has a lot of friends, and guys hit on her all
the time. The problem that I see is that she is not giving the sufficient
clues that she is interested in somebody, so they give up.
Guys Need A Clue That You Are Interested
No guy wants to show he's interested to somebody who gives no obvious
clues back that they are interested as well.
My friend acts indiscriminately to everyone she meets – she
thinks there is good in everyone and everyone essentially can be
"nice".
Again, this works against her because while she has a lot of friends,
her caring nature puts her in the "good friend" or "like
a sister" category for guys she meets.
No Need To Reinvent Yourself
The fact that you came out of this 3 year relationship (together
since high school, I assume) and are feeling boring isn't so bad.
And there is no need to reinvent yourself, per se, but you have
to know that outside of an academic setting it is more challenging
to meet people whom you like.
Frogs And Princes
As a friend told me when I was getting frustrated with dating "you
have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince". And
I guess its true because there have been a lot of frogs. But dating
can be fun, too. Try to be more relaxed when you meet people.
Keep It Light
If you meet someone you are interested in, let them know, but
don't be too serious too soon. Keep conversation light and don't
divulge so much information so fast -- this can guarantee that friendship
thing. I don't know how guys respond to you being a 20 year old
virgin as I didn't have that experience myself, but I'm guessing
it might scare them a bit, so I would keep that to myself until
a relationship evolved to the point where you felt comfortable and
secure enough to tell him without him running off with his tail
between his legs.
Your Old Self
Essentially you need to think about how you've changed and what
you can do to get back to being your old self again. But maybe you
should just grow from the experience of your painful relationship
and seek out things that can give you comfort and happiness. Eventually
things will feel normal again and your feelings of inadequacy will
dissipate. You'll get back in your groove and find you really do
have game -- and you've had it all along.
– Alicia
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