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Dear Confused,
It seems like you found
a great guy. Congratulations on that, I hope it stays that way.
But anyway you want
to know, how do you know when you're in love, and how do you know
when its time to make love.
Love
Isn't Forever
Well, the hardest question
is how do you know when you're in love, and the "in love" concept
is the trickiest. Realize this. People think that just because they're
in love that its gonna stay that way forever, and when it changes
they feel betrayed by themselves and sometimes the person that they
were in love with.
Being "in love" often
means that you are letting yourself feel very good about this person
and who they are. You want to be with them romantically, physically
and you want to be there for them in anyway possible. You think
about them a lot and you mindfully integrate them in almost every
part of your life. You tell yourself that you will accept them for
who they are and that it can only get better. This is the state
of "being in love" .
Where the "love" comes
from is another story. It's deeper than "he makes me laugh, he thinks
I'm special and he's cute and a great guy". Who you fall in love
with, and why you fall in love in the first place does come straight
from the subconscious.
I
Thought that I was In Love
For instance, I was
with this guy I totally knew I loved from his head to his toe and
I loved his mind the way he made me feel and that we were almost
best friends in a sense. And the fact that he was gorgeous didn't
hurt the way I felt. I was in love.
But when it ended, and
when I figured out that I shouldn't have been in love, I realized
that I chose to love him because I was lonely and I just wanted
him to love me back. I was living for him. I was living in him.
You know in a relationship
that you're supposed to be really interested in him and ask questions
and try to figure out if you still want him to be in your life?
well he charmed me on the first day we met and I didn't need to
know more except that I wanted to love him. Not because he's got
serious mojo going on, but because I just wanted to be in love.
I wasn't really ready.
He on the other hand
was a bit more selective, and he wanted someone who was in love
with herself as much as she was in love with him. I didn't know
myself, so how could I be in love with me? I was busy admiring him
and being in love with him. I lost myself in him, so he got lost,
end of story.
So people fall in love
for deeper reasons than appear, and that's a given. If you don't
want to get hurt and feel betrayed later, in the middle of the "in
love" stage, you should think about what really made you fall in
love in the first place. That way if you feel its something "negative"
(I use the term loosely) in the least way on your part you can try
to change it and still see if you're in love with the person you
want to be with, and you can try to keep the love there before you
realize that you're making a mistake....
Well enough of that.
I don't even know if you agree with all of that but.... it seems
like one of your requirements for making love is to be in love.
You
Will Know When You are Ready
Like I described above
about the current state of "in love" if you've got those symptoms
you've been shot in the ass by cupid, so how do you know when you
ready to make love?
I guess you just know,
I've never made love before, but I know one thing, I've never been
in the position where I felt that it was the right time. I guess
when you are both relaxed and you look at him and feel the time
is right, then its right, you're probably gonna look at him and
feel crazy affection, and you'll want to show it, and when you show
him it'll go farther, because you'll want it to.
If
You Have to Ask... You're Not Ready
If you have to ask "am
I ready"? while you're there with him, then you're not ready.
When you're at the point where you don't have to ask then
you're clear for take off... happy flying.
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