Dear Jane,

John is an idiot, and not worth your time.

Your first warning sign with him is that he is cheating on his girlfriend of five years. Five years! It is not as if anyone is forcing him to be with Jen, no matter how much he complains about her being controlling, guess what? He is a big boy and he can make his own decisions. Unfortunately, you're helping him avoid those decisions.

He doesn't have to break up with Jen to date other women -- because he has you. Yuck!

Don't Believe Him

You're right. He obviously just WANTS to move to California (who wouldn't?)

Oh, and that line about him moving to California to get away from Jen ... maybe he's telling some third girl that he's moving to California to get away from both of you! I also don't believe that they aren't having a sexual relationship. Simply for the sake of your physical health, please, please, please do not take things any further with this guy.

What Do You Want in a Relationship?

Please ask yourself what you want in a relationship. Spend some time thinking it over and maybe even writing out a thorough answer. Does your answer include anything like trust, monogamy, etc.?

You're right. It just doesn't make sense for her to put herself through this.

Right now you're in a relationship that does not include those things. Why are you in the relationship?

Value Yourself

Even though you describe yourself as "a guy's dream" I really don't think you believe that of yourself. Why else would you consent to being the "other" woman? You want to be THE woman!

Please cut things off with John now. Do some soul-searching. Then you'll know what you want when the next boy comes along.

Gillian