Dear Grizzy,

Unfortunately, one doesn't usually build one's self-esteem by hoping that one's partner doesn't find someone in the area to have an affair with.  Nor does one's boyfriend having cyber sex on the 'Net build self-esteem.  No Grizzy, it's kind of the opposite.

As this is your first boyfriend, you might try to get things right for future boyfriends by practicing on this guy.  You might start by talking with him and telling him things that bother you.  (Why would you want to have a relationship with someone you can't talk with?) 

Here is how to talk to him without sounding like you are trying to control him.

Tell him what bothers you and how you feel about it.  Yes, you probably have a right to be somewhat disturbed by your boyfriend having cyber sex.

But even more importantly, do things to help your self-esteem as an individual person:

• Find a hobby you are interested in. 
• Take classes.
• Participate in therapy or discussion groups. 

Do things that are good for you, assert yourself in your relationship, and see if that doesn't start the old self-esteem rising.

– Lefty