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Dear Help,
First of all, I have to say that you are correctomondo.
When starting a conversation, NEVER, EVER BE YOURSELF!
For goodness sakes, if I'm myself, my hands start sweating,
my heart starts pounding, and my voice starts squeaking.
Like most of us ordinary mortals, your comfort level
is probably pushed to the max when trying to meet someone
of the opposite sex.
If I were being myself, I would obviously cringe away
from such a threatening encounter. I HATE those
silly sayings that convey no information like "be
yourself". You can be MORE than the sum of
your parts, and gosh darn it, you have to force yourself
to take action.I'm thinking of two types of situations.
One situation is when you're with a bunch of friends
or in a group activity and dialogue can develop naturally
from the situation. If there is someone who you
don't know, or very casually know, conversation can
start from using the activity as a basis.
The second situation occurs when it's a one-on-one
fast break. You know you only have one chance
and that you have to make your move. This is not
QUITE true, but I'll go into that later. Anyway,
it's a tough, nervous thing; fraught with fear and rejection
with every syllable uttered. My hands are starting
to sweat just thinking about it.Ok. So we've got
the two situations. They're alike in one major
way. If you don't say something to the woman in
question, the situation is OVER! So what do you
say? The good thing is that IT DOESN'T MATTER!
It turns out that unless you say something incredibly
gross or
 stupid,
that it will be fine. That's not to say that you
will succeed with your possible woman. No, no, no...
it's not quite THAT easy.
You see, I've said things that were incredibly funny,
things that were inane, things that were ordinary; and
the reaction was completely RANDOM! It all depended
on ...something? I don't know. All I know
is that you've got to say something. Introduce
yourself, ask if she plays tennis, tell her you love
her hair; anything to get an opening.
Hopefully, if she's at all interested, civil, or friendly,
she will then make things easy for you. If she's
not, hey, she wasn't worth it anyway. But if you
don't say something, you will not meet that woman.
(Ok, unless she says something to you first, but that's
guaranteed to happen about twice a lifetime.) Now, about
that time when it's not one-on-one; sometimes you can
2-team that elusive female.
There's been many times when I've been with a good
buddy and it's been easier to introduce him to some
femme fatal or for us to work together to get a conversation
going with someone interesting.
NOTE: this seems to work a lot better for guys
because when females group together, their main purpose
appears to be to form a barrier/bond that makes it actually
harder for guys to meet them. What up with that?
Lefty
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