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Dear Panel,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months. We are really serious. This is my first really serious relationship, and it is like nothing i have ever felt before. This comming year, however, he is going to collage, and I will still be in high school. We are less than a year apart in age, but 2 years in school. I am afraid that we will be living totally different lives, which will cause us to grow apart. I dont want to loose him, but I am afraid that this difference will cause us to break up. Is there any way I can help prevent this from happening. afraid of heartbreak
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Lefty Answers:

Dear Afraid of Heartbreak,

Ugh, I feel your angst.  Unfortunately, all I can tell you is that this is a good news/bad news thing.

There's really nothing like a first relationship; most of us remember our first relationship forever.  And there are a few people who actually remain with their first serious boyfriend and get married and have kids and go the whole nine yards.  But the bad news is that they are VERY much the exception.  Even if you and your boyfriend weren't separated by schools, the odds are very much that you would have eventually gone your separate ways. And, as I've said a few times before, college is a very broadening experience, where new people are met, new situations are faced, and new relationships are experienced.

The good news is that sometimes even the people who remain with their first serious boyfriend may feel like they have missed out on a part of life.  You and your boyfriend are still young and will meet many more people in the next few years.

I know that I would have missed a lot of adventures.

yelbtblk.gif If this relationship does not work out, and I think you are correct in thinking that this situation may cause you both to lose that special closeness that you now have, you will be meeting other people in high school in your day-to-day activities.

But why worry about something that may not happen?  Sure you guys can split up, but you can also have a lot of fun in the near future; it's what everybody faces.  Why not talk it over with your boyfriend and get his feelings on it?  I certainly think it's a good thing to try to keep in touch with him.  I find email is a great way to not be obtrusive and yet keep in touch with all of my friends that I don't see every day.  Feelings between good friends usually don't disappear in a day, and if you change your thinking just a little, it might be fun to share the experiences of your more mature, higher educated college guy, and he may want to maintain his special connection with someone back home.  And in the meantime, you can both continue to grow and worry about the other things in life like making money, just like the rest of us adults.

Lefty

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