Should I be a macho man?

Dear Panel:

A few months past, my girlfriend broke off our relationship to be with another man. That was painful, but the realization that ALL my ex-girlfriends have left me for other men dwarfed that initial pain. I consider myself a gentleman who attends their every need. My guy friends have told me that they break up with me because I'm too much of a wuss. They continue to say that I should become a macho control freak; "women say they hate it but they secretly love it". When I've asked my platonic ex-girlfriends, they say it was their fault that the relationship ended, it was nothing I did. The fact that all six major relationships ended this way makes me feel it's my fault, and I don't think acting like a macho jerk will help any future relationships. HELP!

- Stuck in a bad loop

Mare Answers:

First of all, get some new friends.

I WILL give them the time. I am honest enough to admit that I prefer macho men

(I won't EVEN give their Neanderthal views on women the time of day.)

Second, it probably isn't a coincidence that you're repeating

I agree, I also went through a period where I dated the wrong type

the pattern over and over, but it's not because of the wussiness factor -- if you're even a wuss at all. More likely, you are choosing to date a certain type of woman who is bound to hurt you.

Now would be a great time to get counseling and bounce some ideas off of a professional. S/he can help you think about the choices you've been making. Call a counselor on your own, or see if your work offers it for free.

I really feel for you because this must be a very painful. I promise you, though, that you're going to meet someone really great. Just make sure you recognize her when she shows up.

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