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I feel your
pain. I had been involved in a long-term relationship
where the woman had been previously married to a controlling
guy who seemed like a real jerk (when she talked about him).
Yet this wonderful woman never wanted to commit to me!?!
And I believe, like you, that I was not assertive (to use
a word with positive connotations) enough. However,
I can also tell you, as I'm sure you've guessed, that there
were other factors involved with our eventual breakup.
Still it bothers me that she could have married a jerk, but
not been able to commit to me.
Do I digress-yes,
but I'm the panelist. Unless Mr. Sensitive thinks I
ramble too much and cans my ass. But ENOUGH about me!
This is about you! And from your letter I see some good
things and some bad things.
The good:
You remain
friends with your ex-girlfriends. This means they honestly
like you; your relationship was more than just male/female
stuff. You have formed friendship
bonds with
your girlfriends, which many macho oafs may not be able to do.
Also, the
fact that you've had six major relationships is a pretty nice
thing-more than many of us have had. It shows that you
do some important things right.
The
bad:
I have a big
problem with you "attending" the woman's "every
need". What up with that? Relationships always
have some
degree of compromise. Are you neglecting your needs for
her needs? Perhaps your girlfriends pick up on that.
I think you
should make sure your next relationship is one of equals;
both you and your girlfriend should be equally
 assertive.
It's like communication with a dance partner; you both need
to connect with equal pressure or the dance move will be awkward.
If your romance dance achieves this type of connection, you
will EXIT out of your bad loop. |
